vibinya

Started going to a small local coffee shop a little over two years ago, and I’ll never go back to the giant chains. The people working are always happy, greet regulars by name, always go out of their way to interact or talk with me- usually remember something we talked about before, comp my orders every now and then, host little events, etc. It’s not just them either - I always have a way better experience going to non-chain coffee places. Oh, and the coffee is always waay better and priced better.

I very much go through this. It can be hard looking at all the niche things around my house which I spent so much energy pursuing - specialized photography rigs, magic cards, jewelry making tools+storage, exercise gear, crazy keyboard setups for multiboxing, etc. With all of those came the community aspect. I feel so guilty just disappearing after gaining so much attention and recognition in various areas. I can confidently say I’m paralyzed with some type of fear to get into new things- I know they’ll consume me, but then one day I’ll wake up and just see it as a source of stress and drop it. If I had infinite money and loved socializing, I’d not be too stuck, but I just can’t afford to keep cycling through interests right now. The things which tend to interest me always demand a financial sink.

Cotton or anything natural! The idea of my clothes being made of plastic fibers which then enter the water supply or sit in a landfill bothers me. This applies to sheets, towels, etc. My skin also reacts poorly to synthetic fibers.

When I signed up they had a very easy process which allowed migration of playlists. I believe it was a 3rd party utility/website which you could actually use to migrate playlists from and to any of the music streaming services.

I absolutely love Tidal as well. Was a long time Spotify subscriber, but their UI/UX decisions, especially for their desktop client, finally frustrated me enough to switch. Had almost no issues moving my playlists over, have a shuffle which actually shuffles, still have daily recommendation playlists, and my favorite part -patch notes; I know what’s happening and why. They actually listen to user feedback and make updates based on it.

I would caution your and other people’s perception of your intelligence as having significance. Doing well academically (especially pre-college) and thinking that this equals intelligence can be a bit of a trap. I, along with other high functioning friends, also did well academically and many people, teachers, peers, etc all viewed us as intelligent - the problem is, we understood expectations and how to create a mask and personal systems which allowed our brains to succeed in school. Entering college, that all changed for us. The expectations changed and the system changed- everything I created for myself to succeed no longer applied. I went from a 4.0 high school student in all advanced classes to dropping out of college the first semester. I saw peers who did terribly in high school thrive in college. I saw how they easily formed new connections and found support which allowed them to continue where I stumbled.

I would ask yourself what value you are expecting out of being viewed as intelligent and why you feel you might need that label applied to you. Growing up, I personally put a lot of effort into being seen as smart to make up for my ASD thinking I could outsmart it or something. Being 30+ now, I no longer really care how people view me- I just care that they are kind and respectful.

My brain shifted towards the end of high school. Growing up, I had an uncontrollable imagination and mental environment - it was essentially a never ending plot line consisting of characters from movies, shows, books, comics- anyone that I found interesting. It was a way to cope. My brain constantly had these characters interact and create conflicts. Their actions and dialog would sometimes spill out into the real world, and I had to remember to keep everything inside. I saw it all in my mind- it was honestly super creative. I eventually wanted it all to stop because I felt like I couldn’t control it, but it took effort. I had to slowly turn the extremely detailed characters into lesser versions of themselves until they were just mental stick figures; eventually, I was able to stop the story as I got bored maintaining personalities for 2d characters.

I can still access my visual mind, with effort, but it’s nothing like it was. It is now instead a constant inner monologue which converses at nothing- usually it’s about topics which I might have to explain to someone later or a way to navigate my thoughts/feelings. There’s never anyone talking back, just my mind talking at nothing. It can be helpful as my brain bricks during random/spontaneous conversations with people, and I can lean on rehearsed talking points/sentences.

As for memory- It’s on point when something is actively in my life, but the moment that thing becomes uninteresting or I step away for a few weeks, it feels less accessible and usually makes me super anxious and avoidant. Learning about things initially is super fun, but knowing I’m missing information which I previously was very confident in is tough for me.

The only thing I can offer is a small warning. I also was a habitual neck cracker- up until one night where my normal twist had an unfamiliar popping sensation which kind of felt like a muscle snapping. I was then greeted with incredible pain anytime I tried to move my head or just move in general. Had to go to the ER/urgent care that night. The doctor was very straightforward with their advice- there’s no reason I should be cracking my neck and I need to stop. I had pulled one of the muscles and it had severely swelled.

I also used to crack my knuckles, elbows, back, etc. I eventually stopped by catching myself in the act, acknowledging that I don’t like feeling like I can’t control myself, and giving my hands something else to focus on.

Good luck!!

I feel this. A few months ago I lost all my energy to maintain my mask- completely removed myself from my friends because I couldn’t be the person I wanted to be for them. The energy it takes to be patient doing things I don’t want to do, showing interest in things I’m not interested in, and supporting people who can’t support me just drains me. While it’s been moderately lonely as I also wfh, it’s a bit liberating having a completely consistent flow throughout my day; all that mental and emotional energy I can now put towards me. Familiar cycle though… Once I glue my mask together, we go again!