if your reaction to women saying they have a reason to be afraid is to take your dating ball and go home, whine and complain about women being afraid of you because of your gender, blame women for listening to reports of crime, or otherwise do anything but listen and expand your empathy, you are a big part of the reason women have to be cautious
I guess I must be one of the “dramatic” men, but if women are worried about being killed, then men who aren’t killing women aren’t a big part of the reason. That doesn’t make any sense.
The men who are a big part of the reason women have to be cautious are the ones who are violent against women. Those guys are the problem, period.
If in doubt, ask a man you trust. It’s not like those guys would be popular among the majority, or we don’t know who they are.
Seriously by and large women seem to have completely broken threat and personality radars. Incapable of judging the difference between harmless, insecure/aggressive, and peaceful. Don’t let “intimidating” confuse you the peaceful ones are exactly that – in the rollercoaster sense. If you got yourself a harmless one and want to coax them towards peaceful challenge them to a tickle fight.
Where are you that everybody knows everybody else, including randoms at a bar or out on the street?
From the vibe in this thread this is likely to get me bombed with downvotes, but the stakes are too high to take a gamble on whether a guy is “just intimidating” or a real threat to your safety. If a guy can’t take no for an answer in a bar chances are good he’s not going to take no in other situations either. And if I’m already uncomfortable, I’m not going to offer to make physical contact in the hopes the guy is just awkward.
Accept the fact that they’re not into you and move on. If you can’t, or won’t, you’re part of the problem.
Where are you that everybody knows everybody else, including randoms at a bar or out on the street?
Why would you need to know someone to judge their character quickly. Have you heard about this thing called empathy with which you can walk in someone’s shoes and within a split-second see what their state of mind is.
This is precisely what I mean by having a broken threat and personality radar. “Oh I can’t tell” yeah then fix that. Learn to read people. If you need help with that, ask someone, but not on the internet this needs real-world experience.
Accept the fact that they’re not into you and move on.
Don’t flatter yourself. I’m not talking about picking up girls, you are.
Why would you need to know someone to judge their character quickly.
Wow, you’re so naive, if you aren’t a troll. You seriously think you can know a person from just a few moments of interaction? So many people are great at masking their true thoughts and intentions.
Ted Bundy was known to be charming and charismatic… but this is by no means limited to serial killers. All kinds of people put on a facade every single day. Oftentimes it’s not even malicious.
You don’t always know who a person truly is, even if you THINK you know them. Women will get into relationships with men who seem lovely at first, and then they turn abusive as soon as they get married because they believe they’ve had her tied down enough so she won’t leave. You hear from friends, family, neighbors of murderers and abusers say that they had no idea of that person’s dark behavior.
Say you have a jar full of candy that you’d like a piece of, but you know that there are a handful of pieces in the jar that will poison and kill you. There’s no way to know which is which. Would you not be wary, even though you know that most of them are probably fine?
You’re also forgetting about (or ignoring) the kinds of men that look away when their friends or family do/say things to women that aren’t ok.
Maybe those men aren’t openly misogynistic, and maybe they would never actively harm a woman themselves, but they’re also unsafe for us to be around when they do nothing to stop or object to their peers’ behavior. Those kinds of men are even more common than abusers. I certainly wouldn’t want to be with anyone like that, even if I knew with 100% certainty that they would never lay a hand on me.
You seriously think you can know a person from just a few moments of interaction?
You can tell enough to know whether they’re safe to be around.
Women will get into relationships with men who seem lovely at first, and then they turn abusive as soon as they get married because they believe they’ve had her tied down enough so she won’t leave.
Yes. As I said: Women have shit threat and personality radars. Many of those women probably were warned by men they knew. If they weren’t, then probably because people knew they wouldn’t listen.
So many people are great at masking their true thoughts and intentions.
Those look like they’re hiding something.
Seriously, this is a skill issue. Learn to relate to people. Get therapy if need be.
It’s naive to think that women who manage to not end up willingly entering relationship after relationship with abusive assholes are somehow just getting lucky. If it was a matter of chance you’d see a more even distribution but the distribution is lopsided, thus, it has to be a skill issue.
But if princess prefers to believe that she is too precious to acquire skills, that the world will bend to her dreams and wishes… I can only hope that luck will follow her around.
What about “here is how you’ll be safer, how you’ll lead a nicer life, yes a safer and nicer life is possible” is victim blaming. I’m not blaming you for being fucked up, I’m encouraging you to fix it. If that offends you then you have deeper issues than assholes existing in the world.
It’s not your fault that society is fucked up, that interpersonal alienation is rampant, that people wear masks so heavy that they lose the capacity to see other people’s masks, but it would be your fault if it stays that way because the one you wear is your responsibility.
You can respond to us however you’d like, but we aren’t the reason women have to be careful. The men who commit violence against women are the reason women have to be careful.
You can be careful around all men. I certainly am. No offense taken; you have to treat everyone as a potential threat to catch the ones who are, and the only non-threat people who resent that are naive.
But that doesn’t mean the non-violent men are the reason women have to be careful. The violent men are the reason women have to be careful. Unless you’re saying something about men who are naive somehow enabling evil?
All I’m getting from this cockroach thing is you’re feeling disgusted by this situation?
Not just the men who commit violence. Women have to be careful around the men who sit by and let it happen, the ones who try to argue with women on the internet instead of learning a bit of empathy. The non-violent men condone the behavior of violent men when they focus on trying to defend themselves rather than join in calling out bad behavior.
I feel like we keep dancing around the fact you’re referring to me, so I’ll go ahead and acknowledge that.
No, the fact that I’m here arguing with you doesn’t mean I would let a man put his hands on you. That also doesn’t make sense.
But I can’t be everywhere, protecting you from every other man. Your vulnerability is not a pure function of my agreeing with you, because your vulnerability is not modulated by my relationship toward you.
In short, I cannot protect you from every other man. No matter how much I stop questioning and focus on empathy, it won’t protect you.
And I can step in and protect you from a man being violent, without agreeing with everything you say. I have sufficient empathy to recognize you as valuable enough to protect from a person being violent.
I can see that you really want to tie together two unrelated things:
Men who commit violence against women
Men who argue with women
But I’m not going to let that happen, because it doesn’t make any sense. This story you have about how men who argue with you would have the power to end the threat of violence against you, if they just stopped arguing … it just doesn’t hold any water.
Bro, I don’t need you to protect me. You spend more time arguing with me than arguing with men who think it’s okay to use women. And you are confused why that puts you on the side of men who hurt women? Really?
I think that when people experience real violence they lose the illusion that the really violent people are people who can be reasoned with, who might only be missing a bit of argumentation but otherwise perfectly able to live virtuously.
What I’m saying is that I think you don’t have any experience with this because if you did you would understand what you think of as the solution isn’t effective at all.
What are you even talking about? I’ve never claimed a single solution. I’ve just pointed out that it’s a good idea to avoid men who are apparently like you along with the ones actually committing the violence. In some ways you’re worse because you should know better.
Just like I should know better than to have a conversation with an obvious bad actor, but here we are. At least I have enough brains to change my mind when I realize I’m wrong.
In some ways you’re worse because you should know better.
Certainly not in the ways that matter. We are talking about rape and murder here, and you’re comparing it to me disagreeing with you, and saying that “in some ways” my disagreeing with you is worse than raping and murdering you.
That is so far out of touch I don’t know how to
respond to it other than to point out how absurd it is.
I guess I must be one of the “dramatic” men, but if women are worried about being killed, then men who aren’t killing women aren’t a big part of the reason. That doesn’t make any sense.
The men who are a big part of the reason women have to be cautious are the ones who are violent against women. Those guys are the problem, period.
How can you tell which is which when they’re all dressed as men?
You don’t need to tell which is which in order to refrain from telling men who complain or disagree that they are the problem as such.
If in doubt, ask a man you trust. It’s not like those guys would be popular among the majority, or we don’t know who they are.
Seriously by and large women seem to have completely broken threat and personality radars. Incapable of judging the difference between harmless, insecure/aggressive, and peaceful. Don’t let “intimidating” confuse you the peaceful ones are exactly that – in the rollercoaster sense. If you got yourself a harmless one and want to coax them towards peaceful challenge them to a tickle fight.
Please tell me you’re joking or just a troll.
Where are you that everybody knows everybody else, including randoms at a bar or out on the street?
From the vibe in this thread this is likely to get me bombed with downvotes, but the stakes are too high to take a gamble on whether a guy is “just intimidating” or a real threat to your safety. If a guy can’t take no for an answer in a bar chances are good he’s not going to take no in other situations either. And if I’m already uncomfortable, I’m not going to offer to make physical contact in the hopes the guy is just awkward.
Accept the fact that they’re not into you and move on. If you can’t, or won’t, you’re part of the problem.
Why would you need to know someone to judge their character quickly. Have you heard about this thing called empathy with which you can walk in someone’s shoes and within a split-second see what their state of mind is.
This is precisely what I mean by having a broken threat and personality radar. “Oh I can’t tell” yeah then fix that. Learn to read people. If you need help with that, ask someone, but not on the internet this needs real-world experience.
Don’t flatter yourself. I’m not talking about picking up girls, you are.
Wow, you’re so naive, if you aren’t a troll. You seriously think you can know a person from just a few moments of interaction? So many people are great at masking their true thoughts and intentions.
Ted Bundy was known to be charming and charismatic… but this is by no means limited to serial killers. All kinds of people put on a facade every single day. Oftentimes it’s not even malicious.
You don’t always know who a person truly is, even if you THINK you know them. Women will get into relationships with men who seem lovely at first, and then they turn abusive as soon as they get married because they believe they’ve had her tied down enough so she won’t leave. You hear from friends, family, neighbors of murderers and abusers say that they had no idea of that person’s dark behavior.
Say you have a jar full of candy that you’d like a piece of, but you know that there are a handful of pieces in the jar that will poison and kill you. There’s no way to know which is which. Would you not be wary, even though you know that most of them are probably fine?
You’re also forgetting about (or ignoring) the kinds of men that look away when their friends or family do/say things to women that aren’t ok.
Maybe those men aren’t openly misogynistic, and maybe they would never actively harm a woman themselves, but they’re also unsafe for us to be around when they do nothing to stop or object to their peers’ behavior. Those kinds of men are even more common than abusers. I certainly wouldn’t want to be with anyone like that, even if I knew with 100% certainty that they would never lay a hand on me.
You can tell enough to know whether they’re safe to be around.
Yes. As I said: Women have shit threat and personality radars. Many of those women probably were warned by men they knew. If they weren’t, then probably because people knew they wouldn’t listen.
Those look like they’re hiding something.
Seriously, this is a skill issue. Learn to relate to people. Get therapy if need be.
lol. like I said… really fucking naive.
It’s naive to think that women who manage to not end up willingly entering relationship after relationship with abusive assholes are somehow just getting lucky. If it was a matter of chance you’d see a more even distribution but the distribution is lopsided, thus, it has to be a skill issue.
But if princess prefers to believe that she is too precious to acquire skills, that the world will bend to her dreams and wishes… I can only hope that luck will follow her around.
Fuck me. Victim blaming 101 here.
Not to mention plain old being an idiot.
I mean, I knew my ex for a year before we married and he was fine until a couple years into our marriage. And I’m generally a good judge of character.
What about “here is how you’ll be safer, how you’ll lead a nicer life, yes a safer and nicer life is possible” is victim blaming. I’m not blaming you for being fucked up, I’m encouraging you to fix it. If that offends you then you have deeper issues than assholes existing in the world.
It’s not your fault that society is fucked up, that interpersonal alienation is rampant, that people wear masks so heavy that they lose the capacity to see other people’s masks, but it would be your fault if it stays that way because the one you wear is your responsibility.
If you are personalizing it, it was about you and yes, you are the problem.
So if you found a cockroach in your ice cream, you’d just eat around it?
You can respond to us however you’d like, but we aren’t the reason women have to be careful. The men who commit violence against women are the reason women have to be careful.
You can be careful around all men. I certainly am. No offense taken; you have to treat everyone as a potential threat to catch the ones who are, and the only non-threat people who resent that are naive.
But that doesn’t mean the non-violent men are the reason women have to be careful. The violent men are the reason women have to be careful. Unless you’re saying something about men who are naive somehow enabling evil?
All I’m getting from this cockroach thing is you’re feeling disgusted by this situation?
Not just the men who commit violence. Women have to be careful around the men who sit by and let it happen, the ones who try to argue with women on the internet instead of learning a bit of empathy. The non-violent men condone the behavior of violent men when they focus on trying to defend themselves rather than join in calling out bad behavior.
I feel like we keep dancing around the fact you’re referring to me, so I’ll go ahead and acknowledge that.
No, the fact that I’m here arguing with you doesn’t mean I would let a man put his hands on you. That also doesn’t make sense.
But I can’t be everywhere, protecting you from every other man. Your vulnerability is not a pure function of my agreeing with you, because your vulnerability is not modulated by my relationship toward you.
In short, I cannot protect you from every other man. No matter how much I stop questioning and focus on empathy, it won’t protect you.
And I can step in and protect you from a man being violent, without agreeing with everything you say. I have sufficient empathy to recognize you as valuable enough to protect from a person being violent.
I can see that you really want to tie together two unrelated things:
But I’m not going to let that happen, because it doesn’t make any sense. This story you have about how men who argue with you would have the power to end the threat of violence against you, if they just stopped arguing … it just doesn’t hold any water.
Bro, I don’t need you to protect me. You spend more time arguing with me than arguing with men who think it’s okay to use women. And you are confused why that puts you on the side of men who hurt women? Really?
You are clueless at best.
I think that when people experience real violence they lose the illusion that the really violent people are people who can be reasoned with, who might only be missing a bit of argumentation but otherwise perfectly able to live virtuously.
What I’m saying is that I think you don’t have any experience with this because if you did you would understand what you think of as the solution isn’t effective at all.
What are you even talking about? I’ve never claimed a single solution. I’ve just pointed out that it’s a good idea to avoid men who are apparently like you along with the ones actually committing the violence. In some ways you’re worse because you should know better.
Just like I should know better than to have a conversation with an obvious bad actor, but here we are. At least I have enough brains to change my mind when I realize I’m wrong.
Certainly not in the ways that matter. We are talking about rape and murder here, and you’re comparing it to me disagreeing with you, and saying that “in some ways” my disagreeing with you is worse than raping and murdering you.
That is so far out of touch I don’t know how to respond to it other than to point out how absurd it is.